


How can I leave you behind?

by FlorBexter



Series: How can I leave you here alone in the Dark verse [1]
Category: HIStory3 - 圈套 | HIStory3: Trapped
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Case of the Week, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Original Character(s), Post-Canon, Shao Fei has a little brother, Suspense, Zhao Zi/Jack - in the background, angry but emotional sex?, because i think i use trapped to realize all my crime show ideas lol, is it obvious that i like crime shows?, temporary break-up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:28:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22588690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlorBexter/pseuds/FlorBexter
Summary: Meng Shao Fei snorted.“Why would I want to talk to you? What is there even to talk about? Tang Yi and I broke up, end of the story.”“You broke up with Tang Yi, that’s a different kind of story and I believe giving a reason for a breakup would help to really end things, don’t you think?”“Why? Stuff like that happens. People break up all the time. Why do I need to give a reason?”Because there was a reason, and Jack saw it in the tension of Meng Shao Fei’s shoulders, the deep lines in his face and the way he avoided eye-contact.Shao Fei and Tang Yi break up.
Relationships: Meng Shao Fei/Tang Yi
Series: How can I leave you here alone in the Dark verse [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1628047
Comments: 29
Kudos: 323





	How can I leave you behind?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sageg16](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sageg16/gifts).



> **Hello and welcome to another Trapped fic!**  
>  This work was inspired by an ask I got from @sageg16 on tumblr and when I read their ask about how they could never picture Shao Fei wanting to break up with Tang Yi but WHAT IF???? my muse took the ask and ran away with it.  
> It unlashed a cascade of ideas in my head and I kid you not, I was lying awake that night and couldn't think of something else than this idea. 
> 
> I have to thank my love @stebeee for the beta - thank you so much!
> 
> Oh and the titles are loosely inspired by the two translations currently available of the title song of Trapped [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opSBOCyJuis) and [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KcUXQFxigNk&list=PLXeeKKG1Y9SWJq5HR81vbUKD7cuI4YfYp). I adore that song by EZU so much! 
> 
> **Additional Warning:** This fic contains talks about serial killers and murders, please read carefully if you're sensitive to that topic.

**How can I leave you behind?**

It had been frighteningly simple to break into the flat of a police officer. The security cameras of the building had been easy to avoid, and it had been even easier to crack the door code. Jack never had been to Meng Shao Fei’s flat before but it was tiny and most of the furnishing had been transferred to Tang Yi’s house so there wasn’t a lot of fun to be had by snooping around. The surfaces were covered in dust and only the bed and bathroom looked like someone was living here. Or living here _again_. 

He sat at the kitchen table and was bored. Zhao Zi had said he should just talk to him because he wouldn’t talk to anyone else, but Jack had no idea why Meng Shao Fei would talk to him of all people? It was more of a favour to Zhao Zi than to Tang Yi because Zhao Zi had said “That’s what family does for one another” and he had looked at him _like that_ and had snuggled up to him _like that_ and Jack was a sucker for him, he really was. 

Zhao Zi had written him twenty minutes ago that Shao Fei was on his way home so he should arrive any minute now. Jack hoped he would appear soon because otherwise, he would just resort to not talking but wrapping Meng Shao Fei up like a present and delivering him back to Tang Yi. 

Whatever happened between Meng Shao Fei and Tang Yi was probably some petty bullshit and they needed to get their act together because if Jack had to listen another night to an anxious Zhao Zi who couldn’t sleep because of the relationship problems of his best friend he would ask a former sniper acquaintance to just take out both Tang Yi and Meng Shao Fei. 

The door opened and Jack sighed. 

Meng Shao Fei looked as worn out as Tang Yi. Ashen face, tired around the eyes and a slump to his stance as if he had a giant rock on his shoulders. And surprised. Because Jack was sitting at his kitchen table. 

“Hi,” Jack said because they could stare at each other for the next five minutes or they could move along. 

“What…” Meng Shao Fei turned to look behind him as if he needed to check if he was in the right apartment. “What are you doing here?”

“I broke into your home,” Jack answered because he wanted that out of the way. 

“What? Why?”

“You know why.”

Meng Shao Fei didn’t even pretend like he had no idea, he sighed and looked even more tired. He took his backpack off and walked around Jack to get a glass of water. 

“Was it Zhao Zi’s idea? Don’t answer that, of course, it was Zhao Zi’s idea.”

He put a glass of water in front of Jack which was nice considering he was an intruder and they drank in silence for a few moments. 

“He thought talking to a stranger or maybe someone you normally don’t talk to about personal stuff would help you open up.”

Meng Shao Fei snorted. 

“Why would I want to talk to you? What is there even to talk about? Tang Yi and I broke up, end of the story.”

“ _You_ broke up with Tang Yi, that’s a different kind of story and I believe giving a reason for a breakup would help to really end things, don’t you think?”

“Why? Stuff like that happens. People break up all the time. Why do I need to give a reason?”

Because there was a reason, and Jack saw it in the tension of Meng Shao Fei’s shoulders, the deep lines in his face and the way he avoided eye-contact. 

“So that’s it? After all, you two have been through you just walk out of his house, without an explanation?”

“Do I need to make it worse by giving him a reason? What would it matter? _I don’t love you anymore, our relationship was a mistake?_ ” 

Jack rolled his eyes and decided this was enough. He stood up and patted Meng Shao Fei on the shoulder.

“Yeah. You`re so cold-hearted, it’s fun to watch. Who else than someone not giving a shit would let his belongings stay at his ex’s house for three weeks? It’s so lively in here, I almost thought about moving in, but wait… it’s not. You’re miserable, Tang Yi is miserable, and you make everyone else miserable. Just tell me who I have to take out so you two can have your sickeningly sweet reunion?”

Meng Shao Fei just shook his head and it really was a shame that he was a police officer because besides the tiredness on his face he gave nothing away. They had speculated that someone was blackmailing him but there was no real clue for them to work with, so they had to “believe” Meng Shao Fei’s explanation of falling out of love with Tang Yi.

He was maybe not one of Meng Shao Fei’s best friends, Jack thought later as he climbed on his motorbike in front of the apartment complex, but all of this stank. And it made him curious, because he had thought Zhao Zi exaggerated and that Meng Shao Fei and Tang Yi would get back together after one-week tops, maybe even over the weekend. Jack knew what they felt for each other because he felt the same for Zhao Zi. It was deep and sometimes frightening but Meng Shao Fei had never made the impression of someone giving in to pressure. 

Weird, definitely weird.

* * *

Zhao Zi was normally not found in the archive. He hated that place. There was no window, and some odd air filtering system was responsible for the oxygen in the archive rooms. It was futuristic and worrisome, and Zhao Zi always had the feeling he couldn’t get enough air in his lungs, mostly because he hadn’t been allowed to install the technology himself, and the officer who worked here was creepy. He had a black tooth. 

He was in the archive for the sixth time and his stomach growled because his stomach knew it was lunchtime and that lunchtime meant he was going to eat Jack’s cooking. His body was conditioned to know when it was time for Jack’s delicious food, and it didn’t like any delay. 

He had no idea why he was still searching. He wasn’t successful. None of Shao Fei’s old cases indicated they could be the reason for his breakup with Tang Yi. On the contrary. There were many statements thanking Shao Fei for helping them see that they were on the wrong path. No wonder he got so many cards for Chinese New Year. 

He closed the last box he was searching through and decided to give up for the day. His motivation to find the cause for the breakup swindled with every day. As was his willingness to play along with Shao Fei’s charade. Tomorrow he would just shake him until he said what was really going on. 

There was no phone signal in the archives, but he was still surprised when his phone almost started to explode with messages the moment he was within a signal. Not only Jack had written him but most of his colleagues at the office and he had 37 missed calls from Jun Wei. 

He almost choked the moment he opened the first message. 

Shao Fei had what?

* * *

Tang Yi had never realized how quiet his house was. There were the noises of the people who worked here, of course. The security personnel walking through the garden or the cleaning staff working their way through the house. But there was no one who stomped up the chairs or walked through the doors with a loud voice or yelled “sorry” because the door had slipped through his fingers. 

Jin Tang had stayed for a few days and he was loud. He had gone home after his plan to make Tang Yi drunk had just resulted in the same outcome as when they had been younger, meaning Jin Tang got wasted and Tang Yi had to stop him from drunk calling his crush. It had felt more like babysitting than trying to get over a break-up. 

Tang Yi leaned back in his chair and stared at the ceiling. Maybe he had been naive, but he really had thought that the days of break-ups were behind him. That Shao Fei was the real deal.

He looked at his phone and the chat he had opened a few hours ago. He had sent the same text he had sent since Shao Fei had walked out of the house. Just “Can we talk?”. But there was no reply and next to the anger and frustration, he felt the sadness creeping into his soul, taking root. He had been angry a lot, he had driven to Shao Fei’s apartment and workplace a lot. He had grabbed his arm and had demanded and had threatened but like with the text messages there had been no reply. Just the silence of finality. 

He felt a new kind of respect for Hong Ye who had endured this kind of pain over a decade and wouldn’t it be satisfying to call her on her vacation with Dao Yi? Because he knew she would fly back and would let rain hellfire on Shao Fei. Alone the thought was kind of enjoyable. 

“Tang Yi!”

There was a bang somewhere in the house and soon enough Zhao Zi ran into his office. Tang Yi felt fear surging through his body. Did something happen to Shao Fei? 

“Shao Fei!” Zhao Zi panted. “He quit. He quit his job!”

Tang Yi couldn’t process the words for a moment because he was still in a world in which Zhao Zi would tell him Shao Fei had been hurt. 

“He did what?”

“He quit! He gave his notice to the chief this morning without telling anybody. He packed his stuff during lunch and just walked out! He didn’t say goodbye to anyone!” 

Tang Yi had felt worried. About the reasons for Shao Fei’s decision to break up and that Tang Yi wouldn’t be able to win him back. It had been overshadowed by anger, so much anger, and pettiness. Now there was this bone-crushing fear playing one dangerous scenario after another in his head. Everything was so out of character for Shao Fei that Tang Yi couldn’t comprehend an explanation for all of this. 

“He’s not back in his flat?” he asked and stood up; the gut-wrenching fear still present. 

“Jun Wei already checked. It looks like he never went back there after he gave his notice.” 

“He’s an adult male who can do what he wants so no one will give us access to surveillance videos, right?”

“We could try to make a missing case after 24 hours.”

Tang Yi stared at the skeleton keychain. Shao Fei was a police officer who would know how to cover his tracks if he really wanted to disappear…

“We don’t have that much time. I’m going to ask Jack-”

“Wait!”, Zhao Zi yelled suddenly and put his hands over his ears. “I’m a police officer and if you want to use illegal methods to find A-Fei, I will strongly advise against it. However, if you would ever want to use illegal methods, _which I strongly disagree with_ , then talk about it when I can’t hear you.” 

Tang Yi had to laugh, went over to Zhao Zi and put a hand on his shoulder. 

“Thank you.”

“I can’t hear you.” 

Tang Yi smiled and waited until Zhao Zi put his hands down. 

“It would help if you could use the resources you have? As much as you’re able to? I’m going to ask Jack for help on the other end, okay?”

Zhao Zi nodded and grabbed him by the arm when he wanted to leave. 

“A-Fei loves you. Whatever his reasons are for doing this, it’s probably because he thinks he needs to protect you from it.”

Tang Yi forced himself to smile. It wasn’t really reassuring if he went with the widening of Zhao Zi’s eyes. Whatever Shao Fei’s explanation was, they were going to discuss this. And Shao Fei wouldn’t be the one talking.

* * *

Shao Fei hadn’t let him into the flat since their break-up. He had either never opened the door to his insistent knocking or had blocked it with his body. In hindsight, he should have just shouldered his way in, not giving a damn about giving Shao Fei space. When had Shao Fei ever given him space? He had been relentless and annoying and had had no idea about personal space. Tang Yi should have taken him as an example of how to deal with him in this situation. He should have charged in and should have sat on one of those uncomfortable kitchen chairs until Shao Fei talked. 

The flat felt cold and uninviting. It bared no resemblance to the times he had been here at the early stages of their relationship. The warmth Shao Fei radiated was gone. 

“He never intended to get his stuff back,” Tang Yi murmured and that was some low blow to all his plans on how to win Shao Fei back. He walked into the bathroom but only one single bottle of shampoo stood in the shower and a lonely toothbrush laid on the sink. He remembered the scent of the shampoo. It had changed to whatever Tang Yi used because Shao Fei couldn’t be bothered to have an opinion on shampoo. 

When he went back, Jack stood in the kitchen, with a tablet in his hands. It shouldn’t surprise Tang Yi as much as it did. 

“You already got the footage?”

Jack nodded and handed him the pad. “He only travels with his backpack and went from the office straight to the train station. His destination is Taichung.”

Tang Yi stared at the blurry videos which showed how Shao Fei walked away from the police station, entered the train station and at last how he boarded a train. Tang Yi played the videos again and with every replay, it felt like Shao Fei was slipping more and more through his fingers.

“I need…”

“Tickets are already on your phone,” Jack interrupted him, and Tang Yi raised one eyebrow. Maybe he should have hired him as a personal assistant rather than a mercenary.

“Thank you.”

Jack looked at him as if he wanted to say, ‘Don’t thank me yet.’

The train station was bustling with tourists and locals, and the announcements through the speakers together with the noise of people and the trains pressed against Tang Yi’s nerves. He was impatient.

Shao Fei already had hours of lead on him and Jack had confirmed that there was no surveillance from Taichung in which Shao Fei appeared. He could have taken another train; he could be anywhere. The thought alone made Tang Yi crazy and for a second hated the fact that he had severed ties with gangsters all over Taiwan, so he wasn’t able to contact people he knew in Taichung.

He sat down on his reserved seat with a repressed groan when his phone peeped.

 _‘I took the freedom to write you a report of intel I gathered on Meng Shao Fei,’_ Jack had written, and Tang Yi’s curiosity was roused. He had investigated Shao Fei thorough when he had appeared on his radar after Tang Guo Dong’s murder. He knew about his past, that his parents had died, that he had been raised by his grandparents, that he had left the police academy with honours. He remembered the scoff he had made back then after reading the report, about this annoying man who appeared so simple.

_‘I found this intel after seeing a flag on Meng Shao Fei’s files. It was classified because he was a teenager then.’_

Tang Yi leaned back and opened the attached document. Jack’s message sounded like Shao Fei had been a juvenile offender.

* * *

Taichung hadn’t been Shao Fei’s final destination. Tang Yi had to take some deep breaths to not throw his phone against the nearest wall when Zhao Zi’s message had appeared on his screen. They had captured a few seconds of Shao Fei on a taxi stand near the station but there was no information about where he wanted to be driven to.

But…

Tang Yi thought back on the file he had read during the train ride and what he knew about Shao Fei, and he refused to think everything had been a lie. In the end, it was a decision he had to make and if it would result in a dead-end, he had to start anew, but he couldn’t stay in front of Taichung Station and wait until Shao Fei magically appeared out of nowhere. The evening was fast approaching, and it would take time to drive out of Taichung in the rush hour, so he stopped the first taxi and gave the driver the address.

His destination was a village outside of Taichung and when he climbed out of the taxi and paid when he took the last metres by foot when he approached the address Jack had found out for him, he was convinced no one would be there.

But he was.

His relief was so palpable that he slightly bent forward and breathed. Just breathed and raised his head to soak in the sight of Shao Fei.

He stood on the curb in front of what in the past must have been a fence. He wore his jeans jacket and the slight breeze from the sea ruffled through his hair. He appeared real and unreal in equal measure and damnit Tang Yi wanted to shake him so bad.

“I really need to put a tracking device on you,” Tang Yi said and meant it with every fibre of his being. Screw privacy, Jin Tang would do it for him. 

Shao Fei whirled around and stared at him as if Tang Yi was a ghost. His hair was in disarray as if he spent most of his time running his hands through it, and the bags under his eyes were worse than at the times he had to work night shift after night shift. He looked terrible and for a moment Tang Yi felt satisfaction.

“What are you doing here?”

Tang Yi hadn’t expected to be greeted with enthusiasm, but it stung, nonetheless. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and walked closer.

“I got the information that you resigned and followed you to tell you that it’s a stupid decision in a long run of stupid decisions made by you.” Which had started with breaking up with him and Tang Yi wasn’t going to let him forget that dumbassery any time soon.

Shao Fei continued to stare at him and before he could pinch Tang Yi to see if he was really here, Tang Yi asked: “Is this the place where you grew up?”.

For a moment it seemed like Shao Fei was debating with himself whether to answer Tang Yi or not. In the end, he nodded and turned back around to the empty property. It wasn’t huge, some wild fruit trees stood at the outer skirt and other houses surrounded the barren land. There was no building, but bricks and wood outlined the place where a house had once been.

“We lived here until I was thirteen and my parents died,” he said after an eternity of silence and Tang Yi had prepared himself for getting ignored.

He had read about it in Jack’s report and Shao Fei had told him about his parents’ death in the past, but not in detail. Tang Yi himself wasn’t keen on talking about the losses in his life so he had waited for them to be ready for it.

Shao Fei sounded emotionless. As if the gas leak that had caused an explosion and had killed his parents instantly was nothing tragic. But Tang Yi, too, knew that sometimes you must talk about important things like they weren’t important or else your heart would break over and over again.

“Are you here because of your brother?”, Tang Yi asked and again, Shao Fei whirled around to stare at him. Keep him on his toes, Tang Yi thought. Otherwise, he would disappear again.

“How did you…?”

“It’s a shame you think so little about my investigation skills.”

Shao Fei frowned. “Did you get Zhao Zi to hack into my protected files?”

Tang Yi just shrugged. “Did he contact you?”, he asked.

Shao Fei shook his head. “I put an alert order on his name.” He pulled a folded picture out of his pocket. It was old and looked like he had touched it a lot in the past. He raised it and Tang Yi was able to see that the four people in the picture stood on this property, in front of a house that was no longer there.

“His new name,” Shao Fei added, “the name he took when he decided he didn’t want to live with our grandparents but wanted to be adopted.”

The way he stared at the empty property, the little stumps where once had stood a small house, made something freeze inside Tang Yi. Shao Fei wasn’t this ashen-faced man with despair in his eyes. He was fire and enthusiasm, a dog who would never let go of a bone, who jumped in front of a bullet, whose intensity could frighten a simpler man.

“Of course, he would change his name,” Shao Fei said humorlessly. “The family who adopted him wanted him to feel part of them, not part of the past.”

“What was his name?”

“Meng Shao Jian,” Shao Fei answered, and his voice almost broke over the last syllable. Tang Yi moved on instinct but got shoved away when he wanted to embrace Shao Fei.

“Don’t, please don’t,” he pressed out in a voice trying so hard not to cry and he squatted down, cradling his head in his hands. Tang Yi felt helpless. He heard how Shao Fei dragged in a deep breath after deep breath and Tang Yi knew that feeling. The feeling of not getting enough air, as if you would suffocate on the spot. The name of Shao Fei’s brother hadn’t appeared in the statement about the murder, they both had only be named _witnesses_ , but Tang Yi had known when they had written about Shao Fei or his brother. And it looked like Shao Fei knew why the tone had been so different.

“It was him,” Shao Fei’s voice broke then, and Tang Yi didn’t care anymore if he was going to struggle, he got down and put his arms around him. He still fit perfectly in his embrace and for a moment Tang Yi thought his heart was going to burst out of his chest. He pressed his lips against Shao Fei’s hair and hugged him tighter.

A dry sob shook Shao Fei’s body.

“It was him and I always had my suspicions but how could… how could a ten-year-old do that?”

“Because he wasn’t a normal ten-year-old,” Tang Yi answered, and Shao Fei collapsed against him. He shook. His whole body shook, and Tang Yi could hear his teeth clatter.

Tang Yi had read the report on the accident that had happened more than 15 years ago and whoever had written that report had been suspicious about the events. They had called it a tragic accident, but the police officer back then had known the little boy in front of him was a murderer. When you grew up on the streets you became aware of other children like that. Children whose minds weren’t like others, who, next to the will to survive, thrived on more. On the misery of others, on a twisted power play, only a few survived.

Maybe, if he hadn’t been raised like he had been Tang Yi wouldn’t have recognized the signs in the statement, but Jack had unearthed an unofficial autopsy report about the _weird_ marks on the bodies of Shao Fei’s parents. They had found only parts, of course, and in the end, had attributed the _marks_ to the explosion. But Tang Yi knew how stab wounds looked like.

He felt how Shao Fei got calmer in his arms, how his breath evened out and how fewer shudders wrecked his body. He had always found comfort in Shao Fei’s arms and his favourite thing in the world was to fall asleep with Shao Fei spooned around him. There was no better or safer feeling for him and the thought of maybe never having that again was soul-crushing.

Shao Fei leaned back in his arms and the red rims on his eyes spoke about his willpower not to cry. His mind seemed clearer and he asked: “Why are you here?” He didn’t struggle against Tang Yi’s arms which was a small mercy for the weeks of _nothingness_ between them.

“I told you already, to tell you how dumb you are.”

“I’m not dumb, I thought about what I needed to do and…”

“What do you need to do?”

“That’s none of your business,” Shao Fei said reluctantly and stood up. Tang Yi’s arms felt bereft and he wanted to handcuff himself again to Shao Fei, so he couldn’t get away from him. What did Shao Fei’s brother do that he was now chasing after him again?

“It’s officially my business because I made it my business, and I also have no idea where to sleep tonight. It’s getting dark already, so I hope you made some reservations for a hotel room,” Tang Yi said and rose too.

“There’s a little motel at the edge of this village,” Shao Fei said reluctantly. Tang Yi knew that he wouldn’t have it in him to just let Tang Yi sleep on the curb.

“Good,” Tang Yi said and clapped his hands. “I also forgot to bring any clothes, you have to lend me some.” He refused to be embarrassed about his lack of preparation. Time had been of importance and it figured that he would end up at a place with no designer shops.

Shao Fei stared at him as if he couldn’t believe that Tang Yi changed the subject of the murder of his parents to sleeping accommodations, but Tang Yi knew that they either moved on from this place or would stand here for the night. It was useless to stare at the past, Tang Yi knew it from his own experience. There was no use in staring at a lighter or a grave or pictures over and over again. At some point, all one could do was turn around and walk a different path.

“It’s not far,” Shao Fei said after a while and abruptly turned around to walk down the street. Tang Yi took a last look at the property and hoped that Shao Fei would take him to the burial place of his parents one day, so he could introduce himself properly.

* * *

The motel was _something_ … but Tang Yi would never have called it a motel. It was a home with free rooms and the owner gave Shao Fei his key while she filled dumplings in her kitchen. She eyed Shao Fei up and down as if she wanted to place his familiar face and if Tang Yi’s knowledge of villages was any good she may have lived here all her life and maybe even had played with Shao Fei and his little brother in the past.

Shao Fei hurried along as if he didn’t want to invite any questions and Tang Yi could sympathize. If he would ever meet someone from the time, he had gone to middle school, he wouldn’t even know where to begin when confronted with a ‘How have you been?’.

The room was tiny, a bed stood in the middle of it, a table and one chair next to the window and it smelled like someone was very fond of roses.

It would work, Tang Yi thought, for one night. He was dragging Shao Fei back to Taipei the next morning if he was going to survive a night on what seemed like the most uncomfortable mattress in the world.

He slipped out of his shoes and his eyes landed on the files lying on the table.

“Are those the ones—”

“It’s nothing,” Shao Fei said and snatched the files away. He looked haggard and his sleep-deprivation was even more prominent in the harsh light of the room. Good, Tang Yi thought. He hadn’t slept fine either since Shao Fei had left his house after he broke up with him.

“You can…” Shao Fei started, “you can sleep here tonight, but I think it’s the best if you go tomorrow morning.”

Shao Fei wasn’t looking him in the eyes, instead, he was focused on straightening out the wrinkles of the file cover. Tang Yi had felt pity and sadness after he had read the report and his heart had broken for Shao Fei while they had stood at his childhood home but… he was still so _angry_. He slowly took off his jacket and threw it on the bed. He opened the buttons on his sleeves and rolled them up, deliberately, focused.

“This isn’t going to go the way you want,” he announced and shot Shao Fei a humourless smile.

“You don’t understand, you really, you really have to go.”

“ _You_ don’t understand I’m afraid. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Tang Yi!”, Shao Fei yelled, and his frustration was almost tangible. He threw the files on the bed and clenched his hands to fists.

“What? Do you think you’re the only one who’s allowed to ignore other people’s wishes to be left alone? I’m not going anywhere!”

“You’re not going to stay… I broke—” Shao Fei snapped his lips shut and closed his eyes as if he couldn’t believe what he was about to say.

“Oh yes please, repeat that, it wasn’t nice enough to hear the first time,” Tang Yi pressed out and for the first time in a long time, he felt like punching someone would feel pretty good. How dare Shao Fei make him feel this way? How dare he wormed his way into his heart and left him?

“I’m not going anywhere. Not until you tell me what exactly is going on.”

“Tang Yi.”

Shao Fei let his head hang low and covered his face with his hands. His shoulders were slumped, and Tang Yi felt the misery radiating from him. He was so different, so different from the Shao Fei Tang Yi knew.

Tang Yi stepped forward and put his hands around Shao Fei’s wrists.

“No,” Shao Fei mumbled and tried to get away, but Tang Yi pulled his hands down and tried to catch his eyes with his.

“Shao Fei. Shao Fei!” He cradled Shao Fei’s face between his hands and refused, _refused_ , to let go. He pressed his forehead against Shao Fei’s and said: “You think I will let you go? You really think that? You, who was the one who refused to leave me alone after…” he took a deep breath, “after I found out who my real parents were?”

He pressed a kiss against Shao Fei’s slack lips, another one, and another one.

“You wouldn’t let me grieve in peace in my bathtub. Why would you think I’ll go just because you said so?” He wasn’t going to let go. He wasn’t going to leave Shao Fei behind.

“Tang Yi,” Shao Fei whispered and the agony in his eyes almost choked Tang Yi. He should have ignored him, Tang Yi thought, when he had made that stupid break-up announcement. He should have just scoffed and should have refused to listen to another word out of Shao Fei’s mouth.

“Tang Yi,” Shao Fei said again, and the syllables were full of longing and hurt and sadness. Shao Fei collapsed against him again and Tang Yi was ready to catch him. They slid to the ground and leaned against the bottom end of the bed. The mattress smelled like mothballs and despair. Fitting, Tang Yi thought.

“I have to find him and stop him,” Shao Fei rasped, “because he did it again and I can’t… I can’t.”

“He did it again?”

Shao Fei nodded, and a cold feeling spread through Tang Yi’s body.

“Who did what again?”

He reluctantly loosened his hold on Shao Fei when he leaned back to get the files from the bed.

“I put an alert on his name and a few months ago it came up in the investigation of an accident.”

Tang Yi had the feeling he knew what was coming.

“His parents and his older brother died in an explosion caused by a gas leak.”

Pictures fell out of the files. The house was no more than a pile of destroyed parts, and Tang Yi couldn’t take his eyes away from a pan lying on the burned grass. The report sounded like the first one, apart from the suspicious undertone. According to the statement the youngest son of the family had been away when the accident happened.

“Did you get your hands on an autopsy report?” The house had been bigger than the one Shao Fei grew up in. The victims had most likely died because of the collapse of the house instead of getting torn apart by an explosion. If the modus operandi was the same, then they should have found stab wounds on the bodies. But then how had Shao Fei’s brother made it believable that he hadn’t been around?

“This is all I got,” Shao Fei said. “The police station was suspicious enough and I only got this report because I know one of the detectives from the police academy. I didn’t want to arouse any questions. I don’t know what Shao Jian knows or what his plans are, and I don’t want to alarm him.”

“Tell me about him,” Tang Yi asked. He could read all he wanted about the boy in some police reports from 15 years ago and it was still weird to put a brother next to Shao Fei in his head. Who was this man who became a murderer at ten years old?

“He was a polite little boy,” Shao Fei said and then his face twisted, “but he was vicious. Sometimes you would see the pure hatred in his eyes, but never for long and you would tell yourself you imagined it.”

“Were there any other indicators about his… leanings?”

“Nothing I picked on as a child. But I remember my dad being… wary of him? It was painfully clear that he felt uncomfortable around him but that was something I only realized when I was older and sat across a murderer myself for the first time.” Shao Fei snorted. “It was a painful awakening of memories.”

He leaned his head against Tang Yi’s shoulder and scooted even closer when Tang Yi started to caress the hair on the back of his head.

“I don’t know if he, you know, killed or tortured animals as a kid. If he did, he hid it well, but as I learned in the police academy, not every killer fits the standard description.”

“And he didn’t live with you and your grandparents… afterwards?”

Shao Fei shook his head. “We were in an orphanage for about four weeks until everything was sorted out and when our grandparents came, he refused to go with them. The social worker then said that he needed time, but my grandparents were relieved. He made them afraid, too. He got adopted a few months later and my grandparents gave up their rights to him.”

“That’s…?”

“Bad? I thought so too. Maybe something could have changed if he had stayed with us.”

“No,” Tang Yi said and made Shao Fei look at him. “He was a child, yes. But they saw the monster in him and made the decision to protect you.”

“I thought about how he not once called me big brother again after our parents died. I think for him his family was dead and he was reborn.”

“But now he killed his new family too. Why?”

“They say that serial killers can go with a long period between murders when they can feed on the memories of their killings. Once that isn’t enough anymore, they kill again.”

“He was able to hold on for 15 years?” That sounded strange, Tang Yi thought.

“They also say that the first killing is the most thrilling and that the culprit chases that high but will never be able to replicate it no matter how many times they try.”

Shao Fei moved and put the files back on the bed. He turned and looked Tang Yi square in the eyes. Tang Yi knew that look. It was the same look he had always received when Shao Fei had come around for another _interview_ about Li Zhen’s murder.

“If Shao Juan killed his adoptive parents and brother then it’s most likely that he didn’t get the same satisfaction out of it as he did when he killed our parents. He could spiral out of control and could kill again much earlier.”

Tang Yi stared at Shao Fei.

“You want to find and stop him.” He didn’t phrase it as a question, and he didn’t need the confirming nod from Shao Fei.

Unbelievable.

“Who is the man who told me time and time again to let the police do their work? Who made me promise to hand Zhou Guan Zhi over to the police?”

“They don’t know what he did!”, Shao Fei exclaimed. “They have no idea!”

“Then you need to find evidence and bring it to them! Do you want to find your brother and sit down with him to chat? What do you mean with you need _‘to stop him’_? The best thing you can do is go back to be a detective and work on that case as you would work on any other case!”

“I can’t just go back and resume being a detective while he’s out there!”

“Why not? What do you think you will accomplish?”

Shao Fei deflated at that and hid his face behind his hands.

“Tang Yi,” he said, and it sounded like he wanted him to stop talking. But he was the only voice of reason here. Tang Yi grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him back into his embrace.

“You only have a chance to get more information when you get back to Taipei. You can get the help of your force, you can inquire officially, you can get all the information you need. And then you can run around looking for your brother.”

Shao Fei made a tiny sound, a confirmation and a complaint at the same time.

“I gave my notice, though.”

“If you think your Chief wouldn’t gladly throw that in the shredding machine and never talk about it again, you’re mistaken.”

Shao Fei burrowed closer and Tang Yi knew he was right.

* * *

The bed still smelled like mothballs and Tang Yi got reminded again why he wasn’t a fan of beds which weren’t his own. Hong Ye had accused him more than once of being a homebody and she was right. He wiggled a little bit, but the mattress didn’t change suddenly in something comfortable, so he suppressed a sigh and stared at the ceiling.

The bed wasn’t small, but it wasn’t huge either and now and then their arms would touch. It made his skin tingle, but he was also exhausted from the day and rode the small line between exhausted and beyond exhausted where he wouldn’t be able to sleep. He turned his head and even in the low light of the bedroom he could see Shao Fei looking at him.

It was comforting, that he laid next to him again, but also different. What were they? Saw Shao Fei them still as broken up? Would there be another fight tomorrow morning?

Tang Yi sighed and searched with his hand for Shao Fei’s to interlace their fingers. Shao Fei took that as permission to shuffle closer and burrowed his face in the space between Tang Yi’s shoulder and head. He still ran hot and Tang Yi’s side began to warm up quickly.

“I’m sorry,” Shao Fei murmured into the soft skin of his neck and Tang Yi felt his body hum in response. Tiredly but with interest.

“I missed you so much, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” It wasn’t, but Tang Yi didn’t want to destroy the fragility of the moment. He turned around and hadn’t had to search for the wound on Shao Fei’s shoulder. His fingers found it by memory alone and the scar felt as familiar as ever to his touch.

“We do crazy things when we’re not in our right minds.”

Shao Fei kissed him then and damnit Tang Yi had missed that. Tang Yi’s hand travelled from the scar to his head and he caressed Shao Fei’s soft skin behind his ears until Shao Fei all but melted against him.

* * *

“He doesn’t answer.”

Jack turned around. Zhao Zi was sitting on their kitchen table and stared at his phone. If he would put candles around it, it would look like an incantation.

“Maybe he hasn’t found A-Fei, yet?”

A tracking device, Jack decided. If Tang Yi came back with Meng Shao Fei, he would help Tang Yi hold him down to implant that damn tracking device. How could one man occupy the minds of everyone around him with his stupid antics?

Jack put the bowl with the noodles on the table with more force than necessary and thrust the chopsticks all but in Zhao Zi’s face. Zhao Zi looked up and blinked at the cutlery as if he just now realized he wasn’t alone.

Damn Meng Shao Fei.

“Tang Yi will find him. Maybe they’re busy?” Jack sat down himself. The last thing they had heard of Tang Yi had been when he had sent a short _thank you_ for the info about the taxi Meng Shao Fei had gotten into since then there had only been radio silence. Jack hadn’t told Zhao Zi about the report he had gathered about Meng Shao Fei and he didn’t intend to. There were things you had to tell your best friend yourself and he always found it useful to have information up his sleeves for certain _situations_.

“Why would he run away like that? He knows we’re the police, right? We could help him with whatever he runs away from!”

“Maybe he ran away because _you’re_ the police!”

Zhao Zi gasped at him as if he offended his grandmother and maybe Jack was calling his sniper acquaintance after all.

* * *

Tang Yi woke because someone slammed the door and heavy footsteps could be heard in the hallway. The air in the motel room tasted stall and dry and Tang Yi felt the springs of the mattress digging into his back painfully. Shao Fei stirred against him and Tang Yi looked at the parts of him he could see. His fingers itched to bury themselves in Shao Fei’s unruly hair, but he slowly detangled himself instead and went to the bathroom.

He sighed in annoyance, but the bathroom was still small, and he eyed the bar of soap in the shower stall with distaste. It was obvious that Shao Fei was never to oversee choosing hotel rooms ever again.

He started the shower and had to listen to the rumbling of the pipes for a few seconds before the water started to come out of the showerhead. He held his hand under the water to check if it, by some miracle, would at least turn lukewarm.

It was no wonder, Tang Yi thought and turned his hand under the shower spray, that Shao Fei had been so fixated on Li Zhen’s case. It went beyond any kind of loyalty he must have felt because she was his senior detective. Frustration was a powerful tool and maybe if he hadn’t been able to solve the case of his parents if it hadn’t even been classified a murder, he had fuelled all his passion in, at least, solving her case.

Tang Yi was all too familiar with repression and that he deliberately forgot a lot when he became Tang Yi. Maybe Shao Fei had put an alarm on the name of his brother but hadn’t really believed that someday the alert would be triggered.

He climbed into the shower stall with a disdainful wrinkle of his nose. Even if he adjusted the showerhead at the top of the pole, he still bumped against it with his head.

Still, no kind of surprise justified Shao Fei’s behaviour. Running away, quitting his job… breaking up with him.

“Tang Yi?”

Tang Yi blinked through the water running over his face towards the door. He had left the shower open, otherwise, he would have felt like in a coffin and his elbow would have sustained bruises, so he was now able to look at Shao Fei as he stood in the tiny bathroom and sleepily rubbed his eyes. His hair stood up at every angle and for a moment Tang Yi had no idea how to breathe because he made him so angry.

He didn’t care that Shao Fei still wore his underwear and a shirt, he snatched him by the arm and dragged him under the water.

“Tang Yi what—” Shao Fei sputtered but Tang Yi shut him up with a kiss. It was too narrow, and the faucet dug painfully into his back, but Tang Yi didn’t care because he had no idea how to make it clear to Shao Fei how much he hurt him otherwise. The kiss wasn’t nice. It wasn’t a tentative kiss, nothing soft or gentle and despite that Shao Fei didn’t shove him away. He dug his fingers in Tang Yi’s shoulders and opened his mouth to Tang Yi’s lips and teeth and tongue. The showerhead fell to the floor with a loud clatter, but Tang Yi couldn’t give a damn. He pushed Shao Fei against the wall and for a moment they just breathed against each other, their lips a moment away from another kiss.

“How dare you,” Tang Yi whispered. “How dare you hurt me like this?”

“Tang Yi.”

Tang Yi didn’t want to hear it. He didn’t want to hear another ‘I’m sorry’ or any other kind of excuse or apology. He pulled at Shao Fei’s shirt and bit his shoulder when it took him too long to get that damn thing off. Shao Fei moaned helplessly and wiggled out of his pants while Tang Yi put his mouth on every part of skin he could reach. He may have dreamed about their reunion, tender sweet lovemaking but he couldn’t stop and make himself slow down now. Shao Fei hugged him tight and their hard-ons were rubbing against hot, wet skin and Shao Fei chanted ‘Please, please, please’ as if it was a secret language to enchant Tang Yi, his fingers on the back of his neck, their chests pressed together.

Their thrusts were erratic, their harsh breaths loud in the room and Tang Yi saw the tension in Shao Fei’s jaw, how he tipped his head back and with a growl, Tang Yi bit his neck and dug his fingers deep into the soft flesh of his butt. Shao Fei came with a low groan, his body shaking with it, and he pressed himself against Tang Yi, still caught in the afterglow and he put open-mouthed kisses on Tang Yi’s shoulder who felt the build-up of his own orgasm like a numbness taking over his body and then it exploded through his body leaving him trembling and with the wish to hold onto Shao Fei as long as possible.

He had no idea how long they held each other. He started to feel cold and drowsy and slowly leaned back to look Shao Fei in the face. The bitemarks had turned an angry red already and Tang Yi caressed them carefully.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“Don’t be,” Shao Fei answered and put his hand over Tang Yi’s heart. He laughed softly and kissed Tang Yi’s fingertips when they made their way up to his neck and towards his lips.

“I love you,” he said and put their foreheads together, swaying back and forth in the tiny shower stall. The showerhead still lay on the floor, while cold water dribbled out of it pitifully.

They found fluffy, soft bath towels in the cabinet under the sink and warmed each other up before they hid under the covers again, naked and sleepy. Tang Yi wrapped his body around Shao Fei and was sure he would be able to sleep for three days with his personal heater next to him. He had missed Shao Fei’s warmth, the sound of his breathing, the way he rubbed his feet against Tang Yi’s shin, unconscious, a little tick of him.

“I love you,” Tang Yi said in Shao Fei’s damp hair, because it was true and because Shao Fei didn’t deserve a silent treatment when he had already decided he wouldn’t let him go again. His words had been true before: he wouldn’t leave Shao Fei behind.

Shao Fei hugged him tighter and somewhere in the house a television was turned on. The voice of a weatherman echoed through the walls.

“Can I be your boyfriend again?” Shao Fei asked. “I could start as a half-friend again I guess but—”

“Don’t be stupid,” Tang Yi answered. He was half-way asleep already.

“You know me,” Shao Fei murmured and resumed his favourite place, burrowing his face in the spot between Tang Yi’s shoulder and jaw. “I’m nothing but bad decisions nowadays.”

Tang Yi raised his hand to lay it gently around Shao Fei’s ear and opened his eyes to make one thing perfectly clear to Shao Fei: “Boyfriends. See what happens if you declare us half-friends, I dare you.”

* * *

Tang Yi looked at the skeleton keychain in his hand. The black markings were already fading because of how often he rubbed his fingers over the figure. He knew that Shao Fei was an exceptional detective. There was no doubt in his mind that he would find his brother but… something in Tang Yi urged him on to find him before Shao Fei did and there was only one name on his mind who could help him with that task.

Very little had changed about Jack since he had given up his mercenary work. Tang Yi still looked at a man with an easy smile and who would continue to smile while he stabbed you.

“I want to hire you.”

Jack didn’t seem surprised. He just stood there in the same spot he used to stand when he had reported back to Tang Yi in the past. 

“Zhao Zi can’t know about this,” Jack answered, and Tang Yi hid his surprise. Zhao Zi never seemed troubled by Jack’s past but…

“Neither can Shao Fei.” Tang Yi knew that Shao Fei needed to feel in control. And he needed to convince him to take his job back. He needed him in a place where others could have an eye on him, where the thoughts about his brother could be swept away by other cases.

“Is this a hunt?”, Jack asked, “or a waiting game?”

Tang Yi thought about the information he had uncovered about Meng Shao Jian, the way he had fabricated a new life for himself but hadn’t been able to renew himself completely. The way he had murdered his new family the same way he had murdered his birth parents…

But the second time had been different because this time he had killed his brother too. But Shao Fei was alive.

“He’s going to set a trap,” Tang Yi said. He felt it in his gut that Meng Shao Jian was going to seek Shao Fei out. He maybe knew already that Shao Fei had been to Taichung, he maybe knew that his brother was now a detective and on his tail. He maybe was setting up a trap.

But what Meng Shao Jian didn’t know was that Tang Yi was good at setting traps, too.

~end~

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!
> 
> Who would have thought that it turned out like this but yes when I thought about the potential for a break-up between Tang Yi and Shao Fei only murder came to mind :D  
> I hope you had fun reading and we'll see each other in the next part of the series called **"I can't ever be without you"**


End file.
